The Joy of Building Community: A conversation with Amelea and Charmaine
Charmaine and Amelea, 1st Congre
Charmaine and Amelea
Charlyn: This morning I want to invite two ladies up, Charmaine and Amelea, and they're going to share with us their experience of finding community at RHC and how they've tried to build, and I think they're going to build meaningful spiritual friendships. Okay guys, maybe do you want to start by sharing what was challenging about finding community or building community?
Charmaine: Hi everyone, I'm Charmaine. So what was challenging for me when I came to RHC was that I didn't know anyone, so I came to church alone. And it was very scary to come to church by myself, so I would sit alone and leave immediately after service, avoiding all human contact. But I did join a CG quite early on. After attending for a few months, I felt that I still didn't know the members there very well. So I started reaching out to them for coffee or lunch or to sit together at service and that helped a lot with building relationships. Thanks. Hi everyone.
Amelea: Hello, hi everyone, I'm Amelea. So for me, the challenge I faced was that, like Charm, I used to scuttle from the elevator directly into my seat without making any eye contact. And I did that for almost three years. But I kept coming because the sermons really nourished me, and I'm glad I did. And over time, I felt a deep hunger for godly community and people to live out the faith together.
So my challenge included my own assumptions about people. So many of my friends had their hands full with family life and my assumption that most Singaporeans had established friendship circles and little bandwidth for new people.
Charlyn: Yeah, thanks for making me feel better that I'm not the only one who thinks that I'm the only odd, awkward one that maybe nobody really needs to be friends with. And it's always so much easier to stick to our own same routines and the same people that we are familiar with. But you guys are still here. You are not scuttling out. You're standing in front. I know you're terrified. But what's been the joy? There must be something that's made it worth it.
Charmaine: The joy for me has been seeing God at work in our lives. I think we rejoice even more with someone's answered prayer when you've seen how hard that person was praying and trusting for God's provision in that area. And we don't see that unless we are intentional and involved in someone's faith journeys.
Amelea: For me, the joy has been manifold. It started when Charm asked me out for a meal after a few weeks of being in CG together. I felt seen, cared for, and I was incredibly touched by this small gesture of love. One of our friends Aurore also has this amazing gift for drawing people together and it is through her I realized that people also long for community outside their CGs. So I started organizing dinners and worship nights at my place for CG and non-CG people to get to know each other better. I worried if anyone would come and people did and hearing their stories about how they work out their faith in their own lives has been such a joy and a privilege.
And so coffee by coffee and dinner by dinner, I've gotten to know amazing men and women of God who treat each other with such love and respect, however imperfectly, and this has been the true joy and encouragement.
Charlyn: Thanks. Yeah, I think Charmaine's really good also at just inviting people. I remember visiting your CG that one time, like just went once, and then after she texted me and said, oh, do you want to go have coffee? And we did, and it was really nice. So, I mean, how would you guys encourage the congregation? Yeah.
Charmaine: I think if we're being honest with ourselves, we can hide behind personality labels to justify a more self-interested kind of behaviour. So for example, we might say, "I'm an introvert or I'm shy, so I can't reach out to this person." "I can't organise a social gathering, someone has to reach out to me first." I used to think like that for a long time and eventually felt convicted that it's a very self-focused attitude to have because God asks us to be cheerful and generous givers, not necessarily wait so all our needs are met first before we can start caring about the church. So my encouragement is that instead of waiting passively, be the welcoming community you want RHC to be, and you may be surprised and blessed by the spiritual friendship that comes out of it. I've seen in my own life that it is far more life-giving to be actively building community than waiting for it to come to me. On my part,
Amelea: For me, relationship building is not quick work and there are no shortcuts. People also go through their various seasons and it's important to show grace and understanding for that. So for those who are in a place of plenty, open yourselves up for new people and those who are not, be open to stepping out in faith. And finally, for those out there who are still in their quiet years, don't give up. Don't let the devil turn that loneliness into resentment or anger, but God has allowed you to go through this to help you search out community and fellowship. If I had not longed for community so badly then, I wouldn't treasure it as much as I do now. You aren't alone in this season, and God is waiting for you to step out in faith.
Charlyn: Thanks, guys. Amelea, I really liked what you said, like those two categories, right? Like for those of us who are in plenty, and we have those relationships, we feel pretty comfortable. How can we open ourselves up to new people who are here? And then for those of us who are not, and we are just new, we are still in those pilot years, or we're trying to get to know people, how can we then be open to stepping out in faith?
Charlyn: So maybe that's something good for us to consider too today, that where are we? Which category are we in? Are we in a place of plenty where we already have those relationships? And what does it look like for us to open ourselves up to new people, to step out in faith?
And then for those of us who are still trying to get to know people, what does it look like for us to step out in faith? So that actually, if you really need some concrete suggestions, they're also on this little paper that you can find on your seat. But yeah, I just want to encourage all of us that it does seem daunting. I mean, if you feel daunted by it or you feel a bit sian by it, you're not alone. There's three of us.
So it must be a good data set. So anyway, we are all here because we do desire to follow Jesus and that looks like getting to know and loving one another and being known by others too. So yeah, let's consider how we can continue to step up with faith. Thank you so much, guys.